


Zosimos

by toushindai (WallofIllusion)



Series: Monica is Alive AU [3]
Category: Baccano!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-10 10:18:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5581951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WallofIllusion/pseuds/toushindai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cat was, as rather too many things were, Elmer's idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I wrote in the "Monica Is Alive" AU. It's also the reason that I refer to that AU as "catworld" on tumblr. As for when this happens--2000, probably?

The cat was, as rather too many things were, Elmer’s idea. Not one that he discussed with Huey and Monica first, oh no. He brought the tiny black kitten home and placed it on the kitchen table, a sack of kitty litter poking out of the plastic bag in his other hand.

“What,” Huey said, while Monica looked between the cat and Elmer in confusion.

“You know Japanese, right?” he answered, grinning.

“…This is about the cat?” Huey clarified before allowing Elmer to continue.

“It is! I promise! You know how Moni-Moni’s kind of a wolf in sheep’s clothing?”

“Could you not?” Monica remarked without much hope in her voice. She was referring to the nickname, and she was right not to be optimistic. For about three centuries, Elmer had persisted in calling her by it whenever he thought he could get away with it. “And what does that have to do with Japanese or the cat?”

“ _Oh_.” Huey rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Hm?” Monica turned her eyes towards him, her voice softening so quickly that anyone unfamiliar with the trio might have assumed she was faking it.

“‘Neko wo kaburu,’” he said, by way of explanation.

“…Wear a cat… like a mask?” Monica asked, not quite following.

“It’s an idiom,” Huey said, “very similar in meaning to 'wolf in sheep’s clothing.’”

Elmer made a noise that was halfway between a snicker and a triumphant fanfare, pleased that his multilingual pun had gotten through. Monica turned back to him. “…That’s why you brought home a cat?”

“Yup! Well, that and it was gonna be put to sleep 'cause no one was too excited about a jet-black kitten, apparently. You should have seen the girl at the st—”

“Yes, yes, we can guess the rest. Did she smile nicely when you said you’d take it?”

“She’ll be smiling allll night.” Elmer folded his hands behind his head in self-satisfaction. “So, what are we naming little kitty-chan here? It’s a boy, by the way.”

“Do we have to keep it?” Huey asked as the kitten pawed at a loose thread at the end of his sleeve.

“I mean, not really,” Elmer answered. “I’d have to make sure not to stop by that pet shop again, or come up with some good lies, but we can get rid of it if you aren’t interested. I just thought it was cute!”

The kitten gnawed ineffectually on Huey’s hand.

“I really don’t—”

But Huey stopped as Monica clutched suddenly at his other hand. He looked at her in surprise to find that a blush was creeping up her face, and she was biting her lip.

“…You want to keep the cat,” he said.

“D-don’t you think it’s cute?” she asked, her blue eyes wide.

Objectively, he supposed it was, but he wasn’t sure why that should mean that the cat had to belong to them.

But as the cat swatted at his palm and tripped over its own feet, Monica only bit her lip harder and Elmer crowed, “C'mon, Moni-Moni, don’t hold out on me!” Monica ducked her head, helpless against the smile spreading up her face. Huey sighed, knowing he was beaten.

“Shall we call him Zosimos?” he suggested, and there were no objections.

*

Of course, before the three were really used to having a cat around the house, Elmer disappeared on one of his “smile journeys” again. Neither Huey nor Monica was surprised. At all.

“He could at least take care of the situation he created,” Huey grumbled as he shoveled kitty litter out of the box one morning. As if he knew he was being talked about, Zosimos meowed loudly. He only ever seemed to meow when Huey was complaining about him. Monica thought it was probably the kitten’s way of arguing back.

“Huey…” she said, as Zosimos turned plaintive yellow eyes to her, asking if she had his back. “Do you really not like having Zosimos around?”

He paused and turned to face her. Zosimos scampered up to her shoulder, and she scratched absently behind the cat’s ears as she waited for Huey’s answer.

“…You like him,” Huey observed.

“Mm-hmm,” she said, with the same embarrassed smile as before.

“Then I’m glad we have him.”

*

He still complained, sometimes. Surliness was a hard habit to break when Monica didn’t mind it and Elmer only demanded overly sunshine-y grins (when he was around at all). He’d never had a pet before, only the occasional lab rat, and while he didn’t think Elmer or Monica would be angry if he used Zosimos that way, he had a fleeting suspicion that they wouldn’t really be happy, either. Even more fleeting was thought that he himself would have been unhappy to see Zosimos used that way.

Besides, for whatever reason, the cat seemed partial to him.

“You know, Monica wants to pet you,” he said seriously to the pile of fur sitting quite comfortably in the space between his eyes and his book. The pile of fur in question blinked slowly back, purring. “ _Really_ —”

“No, no, that’s fine!” Monica squeaked. She had her phone in hand, and Huey heard the camera’s shutter click. He sighed and shook his head, shifting the arm that Zosimos was not leaning on so that he could turn the page.

“Happy now?” he asked, with a smile that Elmer would have described as “sarcastic, but genuine!” (exclamation point mandatory).

Monica came and sat on the couch next to him, draping one arm around her husband’s shoulders and resting the other arm on Zosimos’s soft fur. She smiled at Huey, and they kissed, and when she finally broke the kiss she answered his question.

“I am.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drew the two worst days of Huey's life today so I decided to write some catworld to make up for it/balance it out.

Monica’s phone rang at 5:32 a.m.

“Elmer?”

“Hey, Moni-Moni! Did I wake you up?”

“No, I’ve been up for a half-hour.” Monica perched on the stool by the kitchen island. “Huey will be asleep for a while yet, though. What’s up?”

“I just got back to the Greyhound station!” Elmer announced cheerfully. “I was wondering if you wanted me to pick anything up from the store on my way home.”

Monica’s brow furrowed. “Your way home? I can just come pick you up.”

“No, don’t worry about it! I think I see the bus—”

“Don’t you dare get on that bus, Elmer.” Rolling her eyes, Monica stood and went to retrieve her jacket from the hook by the door. “How long have you spent on a bus already today? I’m picking you up. Should I bring Huey?”

“No, I want to surprise him!”

She could hear the grin in Elmer’s voice and found herself imitating it. “All right. I’ll leave a note saying I’m getting groceries. Stay where you are.”

She wrote the note and then couldn’t resist creeping into the bedroom to give Huey a kiss on the cheek before leaving. He made a sleepy noise and rolled towards her, dislodging the kitten at his feet in the process.

“Stay asleep,” she ordered in a whisper. “I’m just running to the store.”

“Mm,” Huey agreed without opening his eyes, and Zosimos settled back in on top of his ankles.

_Good kitty_ , Monica thought. _Trap him there_.

Then, with one last fond smile at the two of them, she went to retrieve their wayfaring friend.

*

“How’s the cat?” were the first words out of Elmer’s mouth.

“He’s fine. Still adorable.” Monica popped the trunk and then got out of the car to give Elmer a hug. “Huey’s going to give you an earful for running off, though. Expect to be on litter duty for at _least_ a week.”

“Gross!” Elmer laughed, hugging her back. “Y’think it’ll make him smile if I take care of it for a month?”

“Can’t hurt.”

“Then that is the plan.” With a self-satisfied nod, Elmer got into the car and instantly leaned the seat all the way back, stretching out legs that had to be stiff after the bus back from wherever he’d been. “Are they getting along?”

“Huey and Zosimos?”

“Mmhmm.”

Monica sent him a sly glance before starting the car. “Just between the two of us…”

Elmer turned onto his side, his eyes shining in anticipation of hearing a secret.

“Zosimos reminds me of Huey sometimes.”

“Ha!”

“I mean it,” Monica insisted. “You remember how Zosimos is sometimes just _too good_ to play with his cat toys? Well, the other day I walked in on Huey dangling the feather toy in front of Zoe, and when he saw me, he all of a sudden decided that he had better things to do and got his laptop back out. At which point Zoe decided that the keyboard was the perfect place for a nap, naturally.”

“Naturally.” Elmer rolled back onto his back. “Sounds like they’re old friends by now.”

“I don’t think that’s the word Huey would use.”

“What’s your point?”

Monica raised her eyebrows and pulled her lips into a fake pout. “Are you suggesting that my husband is consistently almost mind-bogglingly slow to realize when he’s fond of something?”

“I have _no idea_ what you’re talking about,” Elmer smirked back.

*

It was just after 6 when they reached home. Elmer carried his suitcase inside and then, signaling for silence from Monica, crept towards the bedroom where Huey still slept. Zosimos looked up when the two of them entered, still perched comfortably atop Huey’s ankles, but awake now. It seemed that the same could not be said of Huey; he didn’t even budge when the door creaked.

“Hey kitty,” Elmer whispered to Zosimos, and then scooped up the kitten in one hand and crouched down by the head of the bed, right in front of Huey’s face. He was, naturally, grinning. Monica only shook her head, knowing there was no stopping him now.

“No claws,” Elmer admonished, even quieter than before, and then lifted the cat over Huey’s head—

“If you put that cat on my face, Elmer, I swear to god.”

“ _What?!_ ” Elmer’s indoor voice was gone immediately, and he cradled Zosimos to his chest as if that had been his plan all along. “How did you know it was me?!”

“Heard Monica on the phone earlier.” He opened his eyes and looked over at her. “You lied.”

Monica shrugged without bothering to hide her smile. “I did,” she said. “He wanted to surprise you.”

“With a faceful of cat, apparently.” Huey sat up just before Elmer could make another attempt to shove Zosimos into his face. “Is that how you apologize for running off a mere two weeks after bringing a cat into our life?”

“Did you expect any different?” Elmer asked, grinning up at him.

At that, Huey only shook his head, but he couldn’t fight the smirk that tugged at the corners of his lips. “Welcome home, Elmer.”

“Thanks!” Elmer plopped the kitten into his lap. “It’s really nice to be back.”


End file.
